Grief

Sometime  ago i was home alone and i thought it was a good moment to work on the many photos of Elly  on my computer, to  sort and file the good ones. I nearly never look at the files of photos of his first months of life, especially those that were taken before i knew about his condition (0-4months)  Well, back to my computer, i open this file of Elly's first days of life, photos from him after resuscitation,(my friend took those), photos of him in the ICU etc.Memories of those days came back and the first feeling is anger, anger towards Emily, the woman who helped me deliver Elly, the anger then invited his cousin Mr grief  and together they brought me back to the "what if" thoughts and tears.

Of course i have accepted my sons condition, and even with that please remember i am human too and 4 years in this journey is way too fresh.  I think grief in  special needs parenting is one of the many emotions experienced. I recently tried talking to a few parents with older special needs children, to find out if they had overcame grief or if they sometimes still grieved. I am talking about parents of teenage children or older,  Unfortunately all the parents i spoke to still grieve.

Could there be a way of managing or ending this or does it mean grief is endless for us SNP? well, in my search for some answers i came through this article that talks about the seven stages of grief, which are:

1. Shock and Denial

1. Pain and guilt

1. Anger and bargaining

1. Depression, reflection and loneliness

1. The upward turn

1. Reconstruction and working through

1. Acceptance and hope

I dont want to disagree with this, somehow i have been through all the seven stages with my son, and even in acceptance which according to the article is the last stage, i must admit i still grieve. How will i ever stop grieving when sometimes the reality hits and my thoughts go back to "pain and guilt". I am not saying i grieved today, NO, and i am not saying i am loosing hope either, what i mean there are moments i still loose it and find myself breaking down and Grieving.

On another note trying to think of other parents, could there be other reasons why they grieve? i think for some parents who have diffAbled children and also battling rejection, stigma, and maybe loosing friends and ending up alone, they may be more affected by the whole burden and more often find themselves in the grief state.

Do you think there are ways we can manage or control these kind of emotions that weigh us down?  A very good question and a challenge to you reading this. I am curious to know your thoughts.        To those SNP who are still alone or became loners, do you think socializing or getting distracted by engaging in activities like your hobbies or so could be a good way of managing grief?

Lets talk, am curious to hear your thoughts too.

Thanks for reading
Mama Elly